Motivate
Motivate
Chapter 5 was eye-opening
for me. I’ve been guilty of bribing, but I’ve worked hard not to motivate
obedience only by bribing. It’s most important to help your kids be most
motivated by positivenaturalconsequences than to always have candy as a bribe
up your sleeve.
I was so Enlighted by
the article “What's the Problem with Bribes? By Dr. Steve Dennis - College Dean
of Education & Human Development of BYU-Idaho. His article was so
comprehensive and simple. He taught that bribes teach children, who grow into
adults, that it’s ok to give into bribes. It
teaches them to be selfish and
only think, “What’s in it for me?”
The
natural consequences should be related to their choice:
Dr. Steve explained it
so well when he said, “It's important to understand that all rewards are not
alike-and all rewards are not bribes. The nature, timing, and size of rewards
can make a big difference. Some rewards-like God's, are authentic or natural.
They are based in eternal law and founded on truth. Such rewards have been
predicated or affixed from the beginning (see D&C 130:20-21; 2 Nephi 2:10).
The authentic reward for sharing is the inner satisfaction or light of Christ
acknowledging that we have done right. The authentic reward for reading is the
joy of the story. Rewards, like punishments, are most instructive when they are
natural or authentic.” By Dr. Steve Dennis - College Dean of Education &
Human Development of BYU-Idaho
This whole article is
so well written, I learned so much from Dr. Dennis. He mentioned that for many
parents it’s the only tool in their parenting tool-box, and the results are
only temporary.
Our focus should be to help children recognize
how they are feeling. When they play video games or watch TV too long, they are
cranky. It’s ok to point that fact out to them sometimes so that they recognize
it. When my kids ask if they can watch cartoons first thing in the morning I
say “No, you’re of cranky if you watch them first thing in the morning.” If I’m having a weak moment and want to sleep
in and let them watch TV, sure enough…later on they are cranky. That’s when I
point out to them their behavior and say, “lets go play outside”, or “we need
to do some chores now.”
I’d like to work on helping
my kids to see how good they feel when they do good. My sister has always been
good about this. When her children show a good behavior she goes over the top
in praising them for that good behavior. I know the lessons talked about not
making praise our kids primary desired goal, but I believe it’s ok to do in the
beginning. They feel good when they know we’ve recognized the good they’ve done.
Recently I’ve been very sick. I have a virus
cold that has caused me the worst pain in my head. First my
throat burned for several days. Then my tonsils, and now my ears. I’ve had
strep throat before. I don’t remember it ever being painful like this. I wake
up with earaches, and a sore throat. I’ve almost consumed an entire bottle of Dayquil
this week all by myself. To add to the fun, I am now six weeks pregnant and
suffering from nausea. My sweet fiver year old daughter has, without being
asked, gone to get me food and water, or breakfast in bed at least three times
now. She’ll bring me a full platter of specially selected fruits and vegetables
because she knows I love “healthy foods.” Her kindness has made me feel over
the moon happy and proud of her kindness. Her kind and loving serving heart
comes naturally to her. She always asks to help bathe her baby brothers, get
them dressed, put diapers on them. She loves reading stories and putting them
to bed. My daughter of only five years old has learned to serve because it
makes her feel good. I believe that praising her beautiful service and kindness
while she’s young has helped her be more kind, and now she serves because she
wants to.
In conclusion, healthy
rewards and natural consequences are okay to give your children, as long as that’s
not what is motivating their behavior. We want them to learn that a job well
done, working beside someone, helping someone in need, and obeying Mom when she
calls you in for dinner will all bring you great natural consequences of
feeling good, feeling God’s approval, and a hot meal. No bribery needed.
References
(What's
the Problem with Bribes? By Dr. Steve Dennis - College Dean of Education &
Human Development of BYU-Idaho,
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